, Research Paper
I Like Monkeys
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta’ dropped dead. Kinda’ like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I don’t know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn’t work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn’t want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn’t all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn’t improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn’t take that one either. I didn’t bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn’t know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So, I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
Другие работы по теме:
12 Monkeys Essay Research Paper Bruce Willis
12 Monkeys Essay, Research Paper Bruce Willis plays James Cole, an inmate in the year 2035, almost the whole population of the earth has died from a virus released in 1997, the survivors have fled the surface of the earth, seeking refuge from the virus. Scientists in the movie?s present (2035) have traced the release of the virus to a radical animal rights groop called the Army of the Twelve Monkeys.
Creative Writing Essay Research Paper There was
Creative Writing Essay, Research Paper There was 3 men who had heard about going on a mountain and getting healed from their problems. So they all went to the mountain. The first guy from Virginia who was deaf and God asked him ‘Can I help you son?’ The guy started signing in sign language that he would be so happy if he could only hear, so God touched him and he got his hearing .
Yup Essay Research Paper The medium that
Yup Essay, Research Paper The medium that was used in Kevin Killrakis art work was colored pastels. The technique used is shading, and is very creative. Basically, what I see in Kevin?s artwork is two very one of a kind daggers.
Creative Writing Essay Research Paper When I
Creative Writing Essay, Research Paper When I first stepped into this class I did not know what to expect. It was the second class of my first day in Brooklyn College. When I came in the room I wanted to sit in the front of the room so that I would be able to concentrate on the teacher, but the first row was already fill up so I took the second best thing and sat in the second row.
Arouet De VoltaireS
“Candide” Essay, Research Paper In Arouet de Voltaire?s Candide, Candide travels the world to meet many people and see many places. He is not the sharpest pencil in the box and this gives him a unique spin on the adventures he has. During his encounters, love can be seen in many forms. The purpose of this paper is to show that the idea of love is another word for sex in this story.
Creative Poem Essay Research Paper Hope you
Creative Poem Essay, Research Paper Hope you are enjoying the Day! To have a friend, you must be a friend, Starting with yourself. The greatest hunger a person has is to be needed.
WhatS My Purpose Of Human Existence Essay
, Research Paper Have you ever wondered why we, humans, exist? Who is our creator? How did we get here? Well, as for me, these questions pop into my mind especially right before I go to sleep. These questions have been on my mind since I was about five years old till present time. Perhaps one day, I?ll get me questions answered.
Essence Of Time Essay Research Paper The
Essence Of Time Essay, Research Paper The Essence of Time The male species has a very creative mind. The creative mind becomes particularly active when the case involves the female species. In Andrew Marvell?s “To His Coy Mistress,” the author shows how his creative mind is put to use. Marvell, uses time in an attempt to manipulate his coy mistress.
This Is One Of Them Essay Research
Paper … Art And Music (33) Free essays on art, music, dance and more Biographies (152) Free essays on famous historical figures Creative Writing (100) new
Summer Of The Monkey
’s Essay, Research Paper Summer of the Monkeys By:Wilson Rawls The book Summer of the Monkeys is about a family of four that had just moved to the Ozark Mountains, smack dab in the middle of the Cherokee Nation.The ladt thing a fourteen year old boy expects to find along an old Ozark river bottom is a tree full of monkeys.
Fear And Loathing Essay Research Paper The
Fear And Loathing Essay, Research Paper The film was produced in the early goings of summer in 1998 almost as a tribute to the re-release of the novel of the same name in June. Directed by Monty Python’s Flying Circus animator Terry Gilliam [12 Monkeys], the film was received quite poorly in the box office and even by the counterculture which was its target audience.
Colobus Monkey Essay Research Paper In Africa
Colobus Monkey Essay, Research Paper In Africa there are many types of animals, one of them is the Colobus Monkey. There are different types of Colobus Monkeys: there is the white Colobus, the red Colobus, and the olive Colobus. The Colobus Monkey is a long tailed tree living primate. The Colobus Monkey can be found all over Africa.
Ebola Virus Essay Research Paper The virus
Ebola Virus Essay, Research Paper The virus is active in monkeys and they acquire it every second fall. The virus is not deadly to the monkeys. In Africa many people eat monkey meat as a source of protein and this is how they get the Ebola virus in their systems. There have been theories that the Ebola virus can be transmitted from bats to people and that the bats have the Ebola virus in them.
Creative Thinking Essay Research Paper 12 STEPS
Creative Thinking Essay, Research Paper 12 STEPS TO CREATIVE THINKING by James Lund Do you ever get thinker’s block? You have to come up with a great idea for a project, buy the perfect gift, write a sermon, develop a solution to an on-going problem – and nothing comes to mind? Your frustration at not having a ready response can inhibit any further creative thinking.
Creative Writing The Story Of The Three
Little Pigs Essay, Research Paper Creative Writing: The Story of the Three Little Pigs 1. Upon a time there lived a homely hog woman, and her three straplings.
The Monkeys Paw Essay Research Paper The
The Monkeys Paw Essay, Research Paper The Monkeys paw is a a very ironic tale of a family that is enabled to make 3 wishes. They are warned of the major bad outcomes of this paw by the man who gives it to them.. The sergent Major morris includes alot of foreshadowing before he gives them the paw. He tells them it has done no good and not to use it.
Summer Of The Monkeys Essay Research Paper
The last thing a fourteen-year-old boy expects to find along an Ozark river bottom is a tree full of monkeys. Jay Berry’s grandpa had an explanation, of course-as he did for most things. The monkeys had escaped from a circus, and there was a handsome reward in the store for anyone who could catch them. Grandpa said there wasn’t any animal that couldn’t be caught somehow, and Jay Berry started out believing him.
Monkeys Essay Research Paper The Monkeys Smell
Monkeys Essay, Research Paper The Monkeys Smell Good The Middle East is a region in Southwest Asia that includes the countries of Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Oman, U.A.E., Kuwait, Iraq, Jordan, Israel, Lebanon, Syria, Cyprus, Turkey, Iran, and Afghanistan. The aspects that make up all that is geography in the Middle East include physical geography, economic geography, religion, and human history.
Creative Writing Exercise Essay Research Paper 1
Creative Writing Exercise Essay, Research Paper 1. How does one commit a successful murder? To commit a successful murder you first must have a motive. Then after you have established a motive you must create a plan of attack. You need to come up with a way in which you are going to go about committing this crime.
Creative Story Positraction Essay Research Paper Creative
Creative Story: Positraction Essay, Research Paper Creative Story: Positraction It was a cold night and Roger Katmandoo ( a 89 year old man) sat on his front porch. His rocking chair squeeked as he rocked back and forth. Right then
Writing Creatively Essay Research Paper Writing CreativelyCreative
Writing Creatively Essay, Research Paper Writing Creatively Creative writing is used to help regular expository writing become more interesting. You can use creative writing to do many tasks to help compose your paper. For instance, use this technique to select and narrow down your chose of topic. You can also generate and ideas, research ideas, and organize the ideas into a thesis.
Creative Writing Origin Of The Big Dipper
Essay, Research Paper Creative Writing: Origin of the Big Dipper Once their was a old couple who lived in a village near the country-side. The village they lived in didn’t have a lot of food. The couple had a chicken
All For Animals Essay Research Paper All
All For Animals Essay, Research Paper All for Animals WORDS:592 Is it right to take the life of an innocent animal? Animals have been burnt, crushed, sliced, electrocuted, tortured with drugs, poisoned with toxic chemicals, and tormented in psychological testing. They do all these test just to make money or find if a chemical is safe for humans.
English Vs Math Essay Research Paper English
English Vs Math Essay, Research Paper English Vs. Math To most people English or Language Arts is a creative course and math is just a logical, you get it or you don t class. My purpose writing this paper is to change your mind. I believe that Math is just as, or more creative than English. I will demonstrate this through a couple of examples.